Archive for February, 2010|Monthly archive page

Fuzzy Wuzzy Was a Bear

This particular blog is bound to find me some enemies. I’m not sure who my readers are, as my stats only leave me numbers, not names, so if you don’t know me, the following is not a window into my soul. Sorry about your luck and timing, however, read away and enjoy on any level that includes hilarity.

I was driving sans IPod the other day, which in turn forced me to listen to the radio, which I always try to keep to a very bare minimum. During my solo listening party, a commercial came on asking me if I had, or still partake in using a list of drugs such as Oxycontin, (No, but I have a funny story about Ebay shopping while on it by prescription) Codien, (No) Vicadin, (No) Perx, (No) and the list literally lasted longer than I thought the whole commercial should have been.

In any case, it then asked me if I would like to participate in a NEW drug study which I would be handsomely compensated for.

Wanna know what the first thought in my head was? Wanna? I’ll tell you, but I don’t wan any hate mail ok?

It was, “Don’t they have bunnies for that?”

Which, in all fairness is a valid question. If I had to choose between testing a new “breakthrough” drug on a person, any person, or a cute fuzzy bunny, you bet I’d pick the whiskers, and I have my reasons;

1) They’re cheaper to house and feed assuming you would in the first place,

2) They can’t talk, thus you don’t hear complaints.

3) Better them than me, and finally,

4) I’ve always wanted to see an animal high on stuff I’d never be willing to purchase myself.

I’m just saying… I mean, what if something goes terribly wrong with the mixtures and such? This is REAL LIFE. I just can’t see the repercussions of some scientists scientific science stuff being something cool like Spiderman.

Face it Society, we just wouldn’t be that lucky. No no, we’d end up with people deformed inside and out, not to mention still hooked on whatever drug made them a qualified tester to begin with.

(The picture underneath is my guess at what a person MAY end up looking like after months of experimental testing. Scary huh?)

Ever try to rehibilitate someone taking drugs that probably came from a beaker and various types of vaccines mixed with folic acid? Me neither, but I imagine that their body and mind would be shot after that. And ask yourself this: If this new glorious drug turned out to be a vegetable maker, what would you rather put down? A cute little (now super angry) bunny, or a 4.0 GPA student from some ritzy college or university that was just trying to earn money to pay off some of their student debt?

VS.

Yea. Chew on that.